Six Ways to Spin Bad News

It can be tough to tell children that one or both parents are in jail. It can generate a lot of hard feelings. We got asked a lot of "whys" last week. My wife had to explain to our nine year old nephew that the police are still the good guys, even though they arrested both his mom and dad and sent them to jail. Here are some ways to ease the hurt when you need to break the news.

1. It's the best place for them to take care of their legal problems. They won't miss any court appearances because they will have someone in charge of making sure they show up. They can't forget, they don't need to find transportation, and they will be getting constant encouragement to resolve things, even if they're spread across multiple jurisdictions.
2. It's a good place to get into rehab. Availability of rehab programs has been improving as the scope of the drug problem has become more public. If nothing else, it's an enforced detox. They've got a better shot at getting into rehab if it's part of the reason they're in jail. Some people when out on their own just don't quite seem to find the time, or don't like a particular program, or want to find something that's just right. In jail, they have much less flexibility, but much more schedule and direction.
3. We know where they are. It's possible to write letters and send pictures and know they'll get delivered.
4. Arrests can greatly speed up the resolution of cases. They'll be out on their own without being a fugitive when they're done. Justice is a good thing. When we do what we should, it protects us. When we don't do what we should, it protects others from us, and helps us to change. It's not just about punishment.
5. They won't be out breaking the law and creating more legal cases. The worst they can do in jail is manufacture contraband from the minimal supplies they have on hand. Sure, one could get into a lot of trouble while in jail, but it's a whole lot easier outside than inside.
6. Birthday and Christmas shopping are greatly simplified. This may sound flippant, but it actually came up with us. The kids pooled some allowance money, and their dad later told them what he had bought as their Christmas presents to him. All you need to do is put some money on their commisary account, and they can buy their own things from the allowed list. No need to wonder what it is they need the most, since that choice is taken away from you for the most part. One exception that is allowed locally is that a publisher can send books directly to an inmate. Once they're done reading it, the book goes into a library for other inmates to use.

Some of these items will be more comforting than others. Some might not apply in your case, but for us it helps to have a list when talking with the kids. It helps them feel informed. They deserve to know how things are going, and how they can be involved whether through calls, letters, or visits. Also remember that one size does not fit all. Each child will react differently. Our five year old niece for instance was overheard just over a year ago talking to one of her friends at church in a cheerful tone of complete innocence, "No, really! My daddy is in jail."