Free Lunch
Sometimes there is such a thing as a Free Lunch. Cathy Free writes for the Deseret News here in the Salt Lake City area. A couple of weeks back, she met with my wife for lunch (hence the Free Lunch name) to discuss our story and how we're learning about the resources available to those who care for the children of others.
I am normally wary of news reporters of all sorts because of how badly I've seen stories mangled for the sake of adding hype to draw readers, but both my wife and I have respect for Cathy based on reading her past articles. A short visit during lunch can hardly do to learn such a complicated story in depth, but the story as told is pretty close.
Kelly's goal from the meeting wasn't to show off or stand in the spotlight. She's not like that. The thought would horrify her. Our hope is that the article will raise awareness of the issues we're going through, and to help those who are lost in the sea of questions as they raise the children of relatives, or are forced to deal with the fallout of drug addiction.
When they hear of us raising the nieces and nephew, lots of people say "I could never do that." Given the choice of seeing children tossed into a life of poverty and drug abuse, or taking them in and raising them as your own, it's a choice I think many people could make. It's a choice many do make. For some, there's no option but to do it. Give yourself some credit for what you would do when there doesn't seem to be a good alternative.
Edit: A recovered addict (Thanks for the email, J.D.) was concerned about what looked like a really harsh attitude toward drug addicts in the intro to the article, and that it wasn't a productive way of portraying the issue. Kelly and I agree completely, and it was simply a case of the conversation not being transcribed as accurately as it could have been. Reading the rest of the entries we've posted here should give a much more clear view of our attitudes and efforts.
4 comments:
I found your blog through the article in the Deseret Morning News. Thanks for creating this blog. I've only read a few posts but it's strangely comforting (although very sad) to know we are not the only ones in this situation. My husband and I are raising our nephew because his parents (my sister and her husband) are drug addicts. With our nephew we now have three children. I thought gaining one child was hard, I can't even imagine gaining four children all at once. Raising nine children is no easy feat. My hat is off to you both.
Dana,
Going from two kids to three is just as hard, especially if your children are younger.
I am glad that the article in the paper was able to point you to our blog. I can see that the intent of this blog has helped someone... even if to just let someone know they aren't alone in what they are doing.
Please feel free to contact me or John if you want to talk about it.
Hi Kelly,
My neighbor passed your article on to me and I'm glad she did.
My husband and I have 3 children, the oldest being our daughter. She has had 4 children (our grandchildren) removed by the State and we are now raising the oldest 3. (between 6 yrs. and 18 mos.) They are now legally free and the adoption will be finalized early next Fall.
The youngest of the 4 has been adopted by a paternal aunt and uncle who have had the newborn since birth.
We have 2 teenage boys (16,14) still at home and it has been a challenge for me to go from a mom of 2 boys who pretty much take care of themselves to 5 children who now need my attention more often. (The 2 boys seem to need more attention now along with the 3 little ones.)It's been an adjustment for all of us...frustration at the change of dynamics in our family (our daughter's role has now changed with us adopting her children). We will always love her and continue to tell her that. Sadly, she isn't able to be an active part of our family (parties, get togethers, etc.) because of the no-contact order from the judge. I begged her to not allow this to happen and yet here we are. I liked what you said in your article about focusing on the "what" instead of the "why". Right now I'm focusing on trying to do my best at finding balance so we can grow together as a family...so all of our children can look back and say "My childhood was good. I know I am loved."
Thanks for speaking out. It's nice to know someone understands when it's late at night and we're trying to get everyone in bed and we're exhausted!
Meth makes a mess of families!
Jewels,
I don't know how long ago you posted your message. I don't get to check this as often as I should because my husband will check it and not tell me sometimes.
Thank you for sharing your story as well. I hope all goes well for you.
We are not at a point where we would need to make our situation any more permanent. I am not sure that we will.
I wish I could contact you and find out some things from you, as well. We all need each other.
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