tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-317341642011-11-27T16:34:58.115-07:00Uncompromising support for those raising children of relativesJohn Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.comBlogger271100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-11999192909673109712009-12-08T07:28:00.003-07:002009-12-08T07:52:00.096-07:00

There's nothing like a change of scenery to make you appreciate what you have. I'm on a business trip to Europe at the moment, and I've had a little time to see how people besides myself live. There are the folks who fly in first class who couldn't imagine taking a flight across the pond in coach, and there are people who feel lucky to have seen the inside of an airplane. There are people who

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-72388429871956208122007-07-02T11:58:00.000-06:002007-07-02T12:30:42.957-06:00

Knowledge is power, as the saying goes. We are an information-based society. Having that information is the source of power, and controlling information properly is the way we wield that power.Yes, I actually have a specific reason for bringing it up. My wife mentioned a councelor she met through the school. One of the things she learned is the sorts of information that children (and other family

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-35899437919066788452007-06-05T08:29:00.001-06:002007-07-06T09:36:47.828-06:00

I was looking back over previous posts today, and noticed the one about Drug Court. It turns out that there was this one little thing that had to be taken care of before my wife's sister could get into the program, so she made the necessary court appearance to handle an unpaid fine.It turns out that the unpaid fine had a suspended sentence attached to it, and the judge decided to un-suspend a

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-73948862687777832052007-05-24T18:50:00.000-06:002007-05-24T19:52:54.099-06:00

I was recently introduced to a lady who works as a counselor through our school district to provide support to children whose parents are incarcerated or in and out of jail. My nephew's school teacher had learned about her and new of our situation. She talked to the Principal who contacted the counselor at the school district.I met with this counselor about a week ago in the Principal's office.

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01675821942982658692noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-45661048929016062042007-04-12T16:28:00.000-06:002007-04-12T16:47:56.819-06:00

It turns out that my sister-in-law is not quite out yet, but might be within a couple of days. She just has to clear up one last warrant based on an unpaid fine, and she'll be released to a drug rehab program. Her husband got out a few days ago, and is awaiting sentencing on a couple of things.She knows what she needs the most right now. The judge presiding over her Drug Court also knows what she

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-43688460343491457842007-03-29T13:30:00.000-06:002007-03-29T13:53:36.535-06:00

It looks like my sister-in-law gets out of jail next Monday. She has all the serious charges against her grouped together in an agreement that formally puts her into Drug Court. From here it will be a matter of whether she can stick with the rehab, testing, appearances and all that goes with it in order to get the carrot being offered to her.The carrot is to have all those charges reduced or

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-45435858928964046192007-03-15T22:25:00.000-06:002007-03-15T22:50:52.249-06:00

We have in our state the Utah Methampheteamine Joint Task Force whose job is to reduce the use of meth across the state. They're using the Montana Meth Project as an example of a successful program that has done well with its own stated goals of:Increase the perceived risks of meth useDecrease the perceived benefits of methIncrease parent-child discussions on methIncrease the social disapproval

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-18510709100758159222007-03-15T07:35:00.000-06:002007-03-15T23:21:18.760-06:00

Sometimes there is such a thing as a Free Lunch. Cathy Free writes for the Deseret News here in the Salt Lake City area. A couple of weeks back, she met with my wife for lunch (hence the Free Lunch name) to discuss our story and how we're learning about the resources available to those who care for the children of others.I am normally wary of news reporters of all sorts because of how badly I've

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-50932644421823144622007-03-14T11:38:00.000-06:002007-03-15T07:26:53.124-06:00

The mother of our kids-in-care is getting ready for Drug Court. That's a program that lasts a year or more with intensive drug testing, rehabilitation, and training. It's a program where they plead guilty to one or more charges, and the judge puts off enforcement of sentencing and releases them into a treatment program for drug rehabilitation. If they graduate from the program, the charges are

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-31081700316028432212007-02-27T07:12:00.000-07:002007-02-27T07:35:24.151-07:00

I told recently about how I was stumped on what to write to my sister in law and her husband while they await court dates in jail. We got a letter back from her over the weekend saying how she really appreciated the letter, and that she felt it was the first letter that didn't seem to her to be lecturing and judgemental.As I mentioned earlier, there were a lot of things I could have written. Some

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-21556789273460658742007-02-22T10:46:00.000-07:002007-02-22T13:02:17.558-07:00

It can be tough to tell children that one or both parents are in jail. It can generate a lot of hard feelings. We got asked a lot of "whys" last week. My wife had to explain to our nine year old nephew that the police are still the good guys, even though they arrested both his mom and dad and sent them to jail. Here are some ways to ease the hurt when you need to break the news.It's the best

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-9650016532222848912007-02-18T18:29:00.000-07:002007-02-18T18:59:05.791-07:00

What do you tell someone when you absolutely know the message will arrive? Last week both parents of our kids-in-care were taken into custody on different charges after a court appearance. Now I know where they are, and can easily get a letter to each of them. But what do I write? I spent three days dwelling on that.How about giving them advice? I couldn't think of a single thing I hadn't already

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-73104202489764390762007-02-13T12:47:00.000-07:002007-02-13T07:29:36.928-07:00

I mentioned previously how my wife's sister had run off to hide in a fit of anger or dispair, or whatever the excuse of the day was. Well, we found out this morning that she had come back, and was with her husband again at whatever friend's house they're visiting at the moment.Her husband had called around looking for her last week, and to see if anyone had heard from her. At least he called to

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-46752841621954900022007-02-12T10:11:00.000-07:002007-02-12T12:16:50.812-07:00

Here I am, looking at a list of ten felony charges against the parents of the kids we are raising, spread over four different cases. And that's only counting the ones filed with the district attorney. There are other open cases with several local justice courts. How do things get crazy like this?We place a lot of trust in our courts that they will be able to effectively dispense justice. Normally

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-41421390845873460092007-02-10T15:43:00.000-07:002007-02-20T09:39:15.417-07:00

Have you ever heard that statement from someone who's trashed their own life through bad choices? What's left to live for? Why bother? What difference does it make? Does anybody even care?My sister-in-law has run off again in a fit of anger and depression. She's done that a few times now. She usually goes to a friend's place and blows her cash and her mind through drugs to numb the uncomfortable

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-47189532204136573052007-02-08T17:20:00.000-07:002007-02-08T18:05:30.037-07:00

What about honor? Mine and yours specifically. What’s it good for? Is honor just a quaint, old fashioned notion that grandparents talk about the current generation not having?There are lots of quotes about it. First, the proverb, “There’s no honor among thieves.” Also, “Nobody can acquire honor by doing what is wrong.” And the grand-daddy of them all, “Honor thy father and mother: that thy days

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-75095341987071897722007-02-05T23:49:00.000-07:002007-02-06T06:48:04.561-07:00

At the time we were awarded custody (guardianship) of the other children in our home we felt that we would be able to provide for them with the financial means that we have. We also felt that if we went to the State for financial assistance (which is available in some states) that the State would go to the parents for child support. We felt that this would be much like bleeding a turnip. We

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01675821942982658692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-79405347425363324112007-02-04T21:28:00.000-07:002007-02-04T22:17:29.925-07:00

Don't you just love loaded questions? Depending on who you ask, you'll get radically different answers about the success rates of rehabilitation. Even about particular rehab programs, you will get huge swings of opinion. Take twelve step programs for instance. My sister-in-law believes they don't work. The funny part is that as long as she believes that, it's true for her.I've read through the

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-66811622823391421312007-02-01T14:11:00.000-07:002007-02-01T15:11:13.980-07:00

From the day I took four youngsters into my home I have been on a quest for answers. Since we did not go through a state agency we have been left to find these answers ourselves. What do you say to them when they want to know why they can’t live with mommy and daddy? What do you do when the parents tell the kids that they are going to be back together by Christmas…and have made little or no

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01675821942982658692noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-72345811784653853002007-01-31T07:06:00.000-07:002007-01-31T07:26:13.387-07:00

We have an interesting contrast at our home. We have to restrict phone time. Not in the way you might expect, based on previous blog entries, though. You see, we have teenagers. They'd be glad to camp on the phone constantly, so we have made a rule of ten minutes off for every twenty minutes on, to show some mercy toward those who are trying to call our house.Now contrast this with the phone

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-52064923225760441622007-01-25T15:19:00.000-07:002007-01-25T16:00:58.700-07:00

About a year ago I told my sister-in-law and her husband that I'd talk to them about how they were doing at the end of the year. These are the parents of the four children of which we have legal custody. That means it's about meeting time. My goal in doing that was to add a little bit of evaluating and reporting to their lives outside of court. Maybe they would change their behavior knowing that

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-2359190504836274452007-01-23T23:13:00.000-07:002007-01-23T23:38:22.083-07:00

A couple things happen when people learn that I am raising three nieces and a nephew as well as my own five children. First they are amazed that I could do it. They feel that they could never do something like that. Then they tell me what a good person I am for taking them into my home. In each response I shake my head. I have had friends who have taken total strangers into their homes

Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01675821942982658692noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-25457082809239650492007-01-21T21:08:00.000-07:002007-01-23T07:44:20.943-07:00

The parents of the child you care for will have troubled lives. That is a given, because you wouldn't have to care for the child otherwise. Identifying exactly how troubled is really quite impossible without spending every moment with them, which is completely impractical. Still, it is critical to have as much of a record as you can manage detailing how things are going.We've come up with a novel

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-76246159516840881962007-01-21T19:34:00.000-07:002007-01-22T08:27:59.637-07:00

When we picked up four kids-in-care, we hadn't considered everything that we would need to arrange to properly see to their needs. We knew that they needed a home, food and schooling, but beyond that we hadn't really thought about it. There's a limit to what you can do on a single day's notice.One of the issues we hadn't thought much about in advance was insurance. I have my family insured

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-35110974036370517232007-01-21T11:20:00.000-07:002007-01-21T21:03:55.594-07:00

We all face tough choices. When an addict comes to me for help, what do I do? It depends on a lot of things. Do I have the means to help? Do I have the time to help? Will what they are asking actually help them? The last question has to do with the concept of enabling.For the purposes of this discussion, I'll define enabling for you:Actions or lack of action that encourage or promote continued or

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-61024982689361221682007-01-21T10:33:00.000-07:002007-01-21T10:45:54.897-07:00

It's amazing how well children can do when put into an environment where they have structure, rules, and most importantly love. My own story includes my lovely wife, our five children ranging from sixteen to ten year old twins, along with three nieces and a nephew who range from ten to five. Their parents have a long history of both legal and drug abuse issues. They seemed to have mostly gotten

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31734164.post-29932795605767261012007-01-21T10:28:00.000-07:002007-01-21T10:32:23.128-07:00

If you know of a good web resource for drug addiction recovery, foster children, or kin care, post a reply here and let us all know what you've found and why it has helped you. Between us, we'll do a lot better job of locating all those useful bits of the Internet. I know that I certainly haven't found all the useful stuff out there.Just include a URL, the name, and why you think it was useful.

John Ohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04022040878903005030noreply@blogger.com2